Another anniversary passed, it was fine, a little blegh but overall fine. Unsurprisingly no one remembers now except me of course but that's to be expected, I don't remember anyone's anniversary who is still married let alone divorced.
Hold on, I lie, one person did remember and messaged me to ask how I was. I replied with the standard "ok". I knew I was due to bump into her during the day so she messaged me saying that we should grab a bite to eat afterwards. I felt quite good about having some girl chat, I think a standard bitch is still allowed on would be anniversaries.
I waited for her to say good bye to her husband so that we could make our way for the "men are dogs" line and some chicken. I waited......then it dawned on me that we weren't about to have any girl chat, I was on my way to have dinner with a couple. It was the God awful "cheer up the sad hag" dinner. I love people's well meaning intentions, I just wish they wouldn't be so thick. I don't want to go out with a couple today (or frankly, most days), I just want some of the gals around me and I want that chat that can only take place with no guys around us, that sorority of sisterhood (point to note, I did not say lesbian-hood).
This is something which post divorce, I have become acutely aware of...... couples can be insensitive. They will invite you out for dinners because that's what we used to do when I was married, they don't want to exclude me which is lovely but......I really don't want to be around couples. Am I jealous? I don't think so. I've been thinking about what the problem is. I have to make two people's worth of conversations and let's face it, I feel like a loser being by myself whilst I have couples (chirpy or pissed off) around me.
I remember my cousin mentioning something her husband had said to her when they were just married. He said, he didn't like PDA's because you never know what the other person is going through so why evoke hurt or upset in them. His sister was divorced so whilst I never gave it much thought at the time, I'm assuming now that his words were a reflection of how he perceived she must feel. I do try my hardest not to feel anything when couples are.......couple-ish. I think it's cute and nice etc but I can't do anything to stop or help the flashbacks that I get of myself once being......well, couple-ish.