I resurface again. I don't tend to write here much as I do a fair bit of writing elsewhere now. After finding out my ex, his lover, his friends and friends who are close to me all read this blog, it puts me off sharing my true feelings. I don't feel I can express myself without it feeling like I'm sending a message to him or without worrying that family members may think I am on the brink of some major nervous breakdown (particularly after some of the earlier blogs).
Not much has happened since my last post. A deadline passed which I set my ex so now a court injunction is being started and hopefully financial matters will be closed. My lawyer has told me to use my power wisely and start proceedings when he actually has assets to his name but I can't be bothered dragging things out. I know he is not the type to ever own anything of value. I had considered dropping the matter and for some time put it to the back of my mind but it gnaws at me. It is like that loose thread which I want to tie up. So I've decided to proceed.
I don't particularly enjoy living in this community anymore. I hear things about him and his family despite my best efforts although I am lucky for the most part that we don't run in the same social circles. I was hoping that given my ex in laws were so precious over their family name, they would have buggered off to Pakistan with their heads in shame over what he had done but unfortunately that only lasted a few months before they came back.
Funnily enough, I can forgive him for what he has done however I have difficulty forgiving his mother or family. I do feel that they are already suffering with my ex being back in their house and to an extent I do feel some sympathy for the stress they might be enduring there. I also feel there will probably be justice as though a plan is being laid out for the future. My in laws had pride that their family was full of boys, I only really had nephews on that side of the family except one niece. I heard recently that all the family have daughters now and I see that as a telling sign. Perhaps people will come to realise why daughters are so precious and how to treat them correctly. I wonder how they would feel if someone treated their daughter in the way they or even their son/brother treated me? Maybe this will be the cause of their change or maybe not, ignorance has no boundaries at the end of the day.
I'm generally plodding along and plodding along for now is ok as there are certain things keeping me here for now. Once they settle then I hope to get my travelling shoes on again and move away for a while. Experiencing other countries. as I have said earlier, has always been a goal of mine. I've been accused by friends of running away and letting him win. I don't see it in that way. I can choose to leave if I want to whereas despite his best efforts (and I know he wants to) he can never leave as he doesn't have the means nor the motivation to do so. So who exactly is the winner?
I will possibly update things from time to time although for now I think this blog has come to the end of its natural life. It served its purpose which was to give me a voice when I couldn't speak. For all the love and support I got during this time, thank you! For all those going through something similar, your family aren't lying when they say pain dulls as it will. Unfortunately what they don't tell you is that the urge to kick him in the balls never does! Adieu.