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I'm a 30yr old Muslim Gal who comes from a Pakistani background. I am currently in the middle of a divorce so thought I'd write a blog, more for myself, as a diary but anyone is welcome to share their thoughts x

Sunday, 16 March 2014

Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word

......in more ways than one!  However to focus on myself, it appears that I have a few apologies to be making and as I am terrible at them, let me just jump straight in:
 
The first to my ex's (ex?) friends.  This blog was never created to cause any distress to yourselves.  This was purely started as a release for me during the most painful time in my life.  However it has come to my attention that my ex is an avid reader of this blog.  As a result of the fact that I make mention of having met most of you at various points, this has caused a fair amount of drama in your lives.  I also know that some of you follow my blog.  I'm quite glad that I didn't know earlier as it possibly would have led to me censoring my own feelings about things which I don't think I should have felt the need to hide.  As much as I was angry at you all at the time, I am sorry for what I can imagine has been a headache for you all.  To those who spoke to me, I extend my thanks and please know that even though it hurt like hell to hear, it helped me heal.    
 
The second to the "other woman".  I am sorry that my actions have made you feel I am your enemy.  It has also come to my attention that you too are an avid reader of my blog.  In which case, please understand and this next bit is quite important, had I wanted to destroy your life, I would have plastered your name or videos all over this blog, youtube, twitter etc etc.  I have never been out to destroy you.  It was you that I felt the most sorry for at one point (once I was done feeling sorry for myself ofcourse!) because of the mess you got yourself into.  I hear the two of you are trying to get married to which I wish you nothing but sincere luck.  I have a feeling that you will be in touch with me at some point in my life whether it be in a year or ten years because I believe you will want to talk and if that time comes when he has destroyed you emotionally, I will be here to help because no woman should be made to feel worthless and you will.  For what you are about to go through, I'm sorry and for what you feel I have done, I am sorry. 
 
My blog was never started as a means of retribution.  I am by no means a writer as I have stated on numerous occasions.  However writing and sharing in this very American type of way was in a way my saving.  I never expected it to be tweeted by one of my favourite authors, had I expected it, I probably would have changed particular things quicker.  It was just little ol' me afterall.  I will probably take some time to have a think as to whether to keep this beloved blog going.  Either way to all those who emailed me with your own stories, you are my inspiration.  To those who hated on me, you made me want to do better.  If I was to hope people take one thing away from my blog, it's to know that even in your darkest moment, light is only around the corner. 
 
 
 

 

 

4 comments:

  1. Please do not apologize for those folks. The ones who need to be ashamed have the audacity to expect an apology from the one whom they have wronged?? really?? seriously??
    I can only imagine the hurt that you have been through. The other woman will always be the Other woman, that is what her status is. Hugs to you and take care.

    Deepa

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    1. Thanks for your message (and hug :) ) Deepa. In all fairness, nobody has come to me for an apology but given events which have taken place in the past fortnight, I felt that some people were now reaping the repercussions of their friendship with my ex and to an extent, a lot of it due to the fact some (eventually) had a chat with me.

      My apology to the other woman was a little tongue in cheek however good luck to her and that bit is genuine!

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  2. Dear Laila,

    For the life of me I cannot fathom why you feel the need to apologise?

    Why do you feel so compelled to apologise to people who are so selfish, self absorbed and narcisstic?

    Only those that are guilty feel affected by your inner most thoughts, reflections and observations from a truly challenging predicament.

    You have not caused any type of drama in these peoples lives- in any way, shape or form.

    For those that feel you have wronged-(Just in case you don't get it- in this situation, YOU DO NOT MATTER, nor do your feelings count for anything.

    I am more disappointed that Laila has apologised for allegedly doing wrong by you-I applaud your patience, perseverance and dignity which you have upheld Laila.

    A xx

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    1. Hello A and thanks for your message! I'm sorry that I had to edit bits of it but in order to prevent some cyber war from taking place I thought it best to take a few things out. You're boiling anger was clear to me and in a way, I really appreciated it.

      I suppose for me I don't believe MOST of the friends were ever involved in some conspiracy of hide the mistress from the wife .... (I have doubts about one). The majority have helped where they can now even if annoying, it did take a while for the conversations to take place.

      The reality is that I'm the known "victim" of my ex however there were many more people whom he misused and the above category of friends are one.

      Whilst saying that, my apology is mainly aimed at the poor family my ex no doubt distressed with his antics. I've received apologies from most of his friends for not coming to me sooner which I appreciated.......I'm still waiting for one but I won't hold my breath!

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