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I'm a 30yr old Muslim Gal who comes from a Pakistani background. I am currently in the middle of a divorce so thought I'd write a blog, more for myself, as a diary but anyone is welcome to share their thoughts x I now share my thoughts on a new site which you can find on the following address: https://biryanniforone.wordpress.com/

Thursday, 9 January 2014

"Double, Double, Toil and Trouble"

Khala jadhoo, black magic, taveez and goodness knows how many other names are given for these sudden unexplainable reasons things go wrong.  As someone who has grown up here and who perhaps considers myself somewhat educated, I do at times look at the concept of "magic" with a sense of snobbery if that is the right word.....and I think it is.  It is a topic which makes me very uncomfortable.  I don't take much to do with people that talk about these things nor attend talks about it. 
I had forgotten up until now that it was the first explanation given for my ex's madness  when he walked out on me.  It tends to feature heavily within Asian culture, the concept of "nazar" (the evil eye) and I shamefully admit that at the time, I got rather sucked in by it all too.  I can appreciate now how easy it is for people who are untrustworthy in these matters to prey on someone so vulnerable.  After being told by a good number of aunties to consult an Imam incase "magic" had been done, I spoke to a reputable sheikh in my area about it.  He didn't laugh at me like I expected him to, why would he, afterall this was something which was done to our Prophet (pbuh).  He was a lovely elderly man which was a surprise to me as most elders  I encountered from the mosque were never particularly helpful towards woman.  He looked deeply saddened when I told him my story so far and sighed heavily, muttering to himself about heartless men.  He merely told me to continue with the prayers I was doing and believed that things would probably become clearer soon enough, he didn't believe there was anything untoward going on in the mystical sense.
For me, at that point, it was something to latch onto.  At a time when nothing made sense, there was no conceivable explanation for what was happening, "nazr" made perfect sense to me!  I do believe such things exist and I go by the Prophetic examples however I do not believe it is the cause of most problems.  From personal experience, I would advise that if you are emotionally vulnerable,  always consult someone reputable not just a "holy man" whom your granny's mother's sister used to visit as it is all to easy to be taken advantage of, financially or worse.  I have great respect for the Imam I spoke to at the time, not only for his concern but that he wasn't a scaremonger either and imparted valuable advice to me (I should also add, he didn't demand a fee or any nonsense like that).     
I'm still told by oldies that they believe "magic" featured heavily in the demise of my marriage.  It exasperates me but I don't bother to argue with the old dears anymore.  I know that there were no evil forces that caused him to adulterate.  It was him and him alone. 


  1. Salam,

    I just discovered your blog a few weeks ago and was really impressed by your strength in dealing with such a heart breaking situation. I am really glad to see you update your blog with this new entry, as I hope to keep following it and hear more about your journey :) Although you have said you write mostly for your own therapy and healing, your story is really an uplifting and inspiring example of how to pick up the pieces of your life and re build it, one day at a time! Looking forward to more posts and inshallah, some positive new beginnings around the corner!

    1. W'salaam Green Tea and thank you for leaving a comment. I'm quite glad that I started this blog as it gives me a sense of perspective and understanding of how different things feel now to what they did a year ago. Things can change day to day but one thing I hope that people take away from the blog is to not allow yourself to become broken by difficulties but rise from it a better and more empowered person.

  2. omg briefly came across your blog and its a lovely honest blog you got there. thank you for sharing your life experiences, make us asian women feel we are not alone. Good on you for moving on with your head held high. your brave and inspirational!