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I'm a 30yr old Muslim Gal who comes from a Pakistani background. I am currently in the middle of a divorce so thought I'd write a blog, more for myself, as a diary but anyone is welcome to share their thoughts x

Wednesday, 27 November 2013

One Year On

There's been a bit of a break in my posts.  I don't seem to blog as much  as I used to.  I would say the main reason is that I started this blog to help me, a type of outlet, and maybe I don't rely on it like I used to because I feel like I'm in a good place..............although I do still like a bit of a catchup and through this blog have discovered that I quite enjoy writing. 
 
So last week I passed the one year mark since we separated.  I sit here remembering and through remembering I'm able to acknowledge how far I have come.  I never thought the pain would leave, I never thought I would be able to say his name without crying, I never thought I would be able to stand seeing him again and I never thought I would feel like myself.  Ofcourse pain dulls, not quite left yet but it's almost ready to.  It all seems so unreal now, as though that chapter never existed.  I would never have believed that my turmoiled life could return to normal somewhere along the way.   
 
I don't have any contact with him nor have I seen or heard from him in almost a year.  I hear the odd thing from people about how terrible he looks and he still seems to frequent his usual places.  Things may have changed for me in a year but not much has for him.  I'm tempted at times to send him a message to remind him that he's outstanding in his legal agreement with me but I don't bother, when I want to then I'll force him to be reminded through the law.  I don't have any love for him, only disdain.  I see him now as a pathetic individual who spends his time sitting in sheesha bars with nothing to call his own.   
 
Generally his family keep out my way too.  I did get my first message from one of his sisters a few weeks ago, ironically a forwarded religious message.  I couldn't hold myself back when I saw her name appear on my phone and the message which followed.  I replied back with a pretty sharp message: "Perhaps your adulterating brother who was having sexual relations with another woman whilst married would benefit from your forwarded religious messages".  His family's hypocrisy still irritates me.  Nobody has been shocked by my in-laws behaviours which is probably a sad portrayal and a lesson that rude behaviour to others costs your reputation.  I have met people whom my ex mother in law has tried to speak to and get her version of events out to them.  I'm not slow in telling her friends the truth and I am happy enough to show them videos of my ex having his affair if any of my in-laws put false stories about, some videos are pretty sickening so I'd rather not be there if an aunty-jee watches.  I don't see myself as a wall flower and I certainly won't be wilting when lies are fed about me. 
 
I feel strong.  Since my marriage ended, I have had nothing but support from my family to strangers who became friends.  I'm all about living life and will be relocating at some point for some new experiences.  One year on, I feel happy and for now being happy is enough for me. 

4 comments:

  1. Your blog (found out from googling) is one of those which inspired me to setup a blog of my own experiences. And yes, once I started the blog it became easy to handle my inner struggle. Also I borrowed your theme as those colors are exactly what I love the most. Nice to know that you are back up on your feet, getting ready to fly again. Best wishes

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    1. Many Thanks for your message of encouragement. It has indeed been a heck of a year but things are definitely looking up! All the best and I hope your own blogging experience is going well :)

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  2. Your blog also inspired me to blog much like the commentator above. Best wishes and dua

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    1. Many thanks for your message. Blogging or writing in general seems to be a great outlet for many pent up emotions so I hope it has been a form of healing for yourself too x

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