There was a point this week where I felt that I had been zapped back to that awful moment when I made the discovery of the other woman. I've been irked for months by digs made at me by the other woman. There has never been any hint of remorse for what happened from either of them. I could have believed the other woman's apology to me had she not followed it by an insult days later.
I haven't really spoken about the other woman much during the course of my blog. Whether she believes it or not, I don't hate her. I am no saint nor do I pretend to be. At the same time, I am also not the picture my ex paints of me, particularly to the other woman.
My ex had claimed to the other woman that he had been separated for two years when he met her but had just not divorced me. When he made this claim to the other woman, we were very much living together and playing the roles in our relationship. At the beginning, I wasn't particularly sure that I believed the story given the other woman had admitted to surfing my social media sites and finding pictures of me and my ex. However I thought about it for quite a long time and my gut told me that it was probably the truth.
I know the other woman is angry towards me although I feel her anger is misplaced. I have become her enemy yet she is not mine. I don't understand why her anger is not directed at the one it should be, the one who deceived us, the one who made a fool of us..........him.
I do still think about whether I did the right thing to confront her. Maybe this is the root of her anger. I would ask her though, what she would have done had she been in my shoes. My husband was refusing to give me any answers and I was agonising over what had happened. The only person at the time who could give me some understanding of what had taken place was the other woman. I would rather have met her myself however neither my family nor hers allowed it so we spoke in front of our brothers, her brother I noted was a very respectable man in his actions and speech. I vaguely remember that I had a quiet threatening anger in my voice during our meeting but I was also still in shock and don't actually recall a lot from that day.
People can have all sorts of names for the person who interferes in another's marriage. I don't blame her for any of it because the person that deserves blame is him, not her. I have felt this way almost from day one. I was told during our discussion that her family were going through other difficulties. I always remembered this part and from that day up to now, have prayed for her family member. I don't say this as a way of making myself out to be some beacon of good as I'm not but merely to show that had I hated the other woman as much as what she thinks I do then I would have focussed more on revenge than help.
I have also been told that my ex has been claiming I am blackmailing him with the footage of his antics. As a result, he claims, he is not able to marry the other woman as I will make the footage public if he does. Yet another lie. I have no issue if the two of them were to marry. He is no longer my life. I would be amazed if she chose to marry him given that during our discussion, she got a lot of information and truths about what had been going on. However I know better than anyone how manipulative my ex is and wouldn't be too shocked if she chose to believe him.
To date none of my extended family know the name of the woman whom my husband was having an affair with. I did not proceed with a divorce under the grounds of adultery soley for the purpose that her name would not become a matter of public record. Lately, I have been wondering whether I did the right thing. Why go out my way to protect someone's identity like this when all I seem to be getting back is insults. I feel that I have been pushed to the edge of my patience by the shameless words being thrown at me.
I would love nothing more now, in my calmer state, than to meet the other woman again. I suppose I still have some questions and could probably answer some of hers which I'm sure she had but never got the chance to ask.
Ultimately, we both deserve better than an adulterer. Anger should be directed at the one who caused this mess, not the person left in the wake of it.